So, I was cleaning out and looking for other stuff, and I came across a bunch of my poetry. Most of it is that paltry teenage stuff that seems so meaningful and moving when we write it, but is just sappy crap when we're 29. But this one, I read and was like, "Huh. Wow. That's interesting." So, here it is. I have no idea when I wrote it or what I wrote it for. Maybe it was a quasi-coming out poem??? It didn't have a title on the page so I'll just go with Untitled.
Stirred expectations drain the cup of myself dry,
and pour out a grog of unachieved dreams
for everyone to see.
The passion that once empowered me, exalted,
is squeezed from my hold
to illuminate the sleeping beast inside me,
hiding from the lights, keeping
still, as a wise sheep
spotted by the hungry wolf.
I should stay downwind
of him, crafty, wicked thing.
I have a lot to say really,
but only the cold silent night to
listen as the words pour
from me like a river,
wishing that by some miracle
the saying could simply make them so.
Make myself a moon and sky
of my own, separate.
I could shriek with joy and delight.
Sprinkle bright crystalline
over pursed, red lips,
longing to kiss the milk
and honey of life, like
vodka, it makes me giddy.
I could carry the sun
all the way to where ever I chose.
Possibly uplift the fire inside it,
set the fields of life ablaze,
laughing happily as
the wind blows outside me,
but I myself shall never feel its soft tread.
Have you had your dessert today?
With your soft loins you fire my life
to walk in a wonderland,
unafraid to face the plans
of myself and what I'd like to do.
Your mouth warm on mine,
angels sing, and I forget
what brought me here.
The piles of unfinished worries,
the things under my bed
that go bump in the night
and dash about around me in a starry
spectacle of shaken wits with no rhyme or reason.
And before the night and "us" are over,
I can't recall the stirred expectations,
as you carry me away
to somewhere over the earth
where I can close my eyes
and let the world go black
and no longer have to hide
my want behind myself.