Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Recipe: Simple Peanut Butter Fudge

Simple Peanut Butter Fudge

Think fudge is complicated? Think again!

2 pounds (1 bag) confectioners sugar
4 sticks butter, melted
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/2 cups peanut butter

1. Knead all ingredients together until spreadable.
2. Spread into 9x13 pan.
3. Refrigerate 1 hour.


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Recipe: No Bake Chex Mix Chocolate Pecan Nom-Noms

No Bake Chex Mix Chocolate Pecan Nom-Noms

Decadent, rich, gooey, and oh so sinful!

1/2 cup pecans
2 cups Chex Mix Cereal - I use Corn Chex, but you can use whichever you want
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons molasses
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
2 tablespoons heavy cream
pinch of salt
1 ounce semi-sweet chocolate chips

**This recipe works best when used with mini cupcake pans, OR cake pop pans (round ones, not "cavity" ones)

1. Toast pecans for about 5 minutes. Cool. Chop.
2. Toss pecans and cereal in large bowl.
3. Melt butter, cane syrup, heavy cream and salt and bring to boil, stirring until it comes together loosely in the middle of the pan and gets a little thick. Takes about 5 minutes.
4. Once the mix stops bubbling, add chocolate. Melt.
5. Pour mix over cereal and nuts and mix until thoroughly coated.
6. Scoop mixture into mini cupcake or cake pop pans. If using cake pop pans, you will be using each pan separately - not closing them together.
7. Set for 1 hour.
8. Carefully remove from pans and place on patter/plate/who cares because you're just going to nom them.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Recipe: Gluten Free Blackberry Walnut Sticky Buns

Gluten Free Blackberry Walnut Sticky Buns

What you'll need:


5 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus a little more for greasing
1 cup blackberries
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup packed, dark brown sugar
3/4 cup walnuts, coarsely chopped


Gluten Free Bisquick Mix (you will need 3 eggs, milk, and shortening)
2 cups blackberries, halved
brown sugar
gluten free flour for "rolling"


Grease 12-cup (or two 6-cup) muffin tins with butter. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Make topping:

1. Combine 1 cup blackberries, 2 tablespoons sugar, and 1 tablespoon lemon in a bowl. Let it soak/sit for 30 minutes. (For the lemon juice, I used fresh - buy one large lemon and cut in half, squeeze into a tablespoon, fishing out seeds as necessary.)

2. After 30 minutes, mash it up. You could use a fork, or you could get creative like me and use a retro glass. Strain the juice into a small bowl and throw away (or eat?) the solids.

3. Melt 5 tablespoons butter in a saucepan. Whisk in the 1/2 cup dark brown sugar, add blackberry juice (from step 2), and stir until smooth and a little thick.

4. Divide into the muffin cups.

5. Add coarsely chopped walnuts.

6. Set aside.

For the buns:

1. Follow the directions on the package to make gluten free Bisquick biscuits.

2. Roll the dough out onto a floured flat surface. This is the fun and messy part. If you've worked with this dough at all, you know it doesn't really roll all that well. So, flour a flat surface, like a cutting board, and sort of spread the dough out with your fingers. Thickness doesn't really matter, you just want flat.

3. Sprinkle sugar, cinnamon, and brown sugar over the dough.

4. Sprinkle the halved blackberries onto the dough.

5. With your fingers, scoop up equal parts of the dough, roll it up to sort of form biscuit like balls, and put into the muffin cups.

6. Place the muffin tins onto cookie sheets, and bake for 16 minutes. (Always double-check doneness with a cake tester inserted into the center.)

See that spillage? That's the reason for the cookie sheet!

7. To remove from muffin pan, a serving spoon works best. The "buns" will seem mushy at first but they're definitely not. Plate them upside down, so the gooey nut mixture is on top.

Now, once you cut into one - and I do recommend a fork because, as with most gluten free things, these are crumbly - you might think, based on appearance, that these will taste biscuit-like, but I can assure you - they don't! They're ooey gooey good!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Recipe: No Bake Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries

No Bake Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries

So simple to make, but they look so elegant!

1 tub extra creamy whip cream
8 ounces (1 package) cream cheese, softened
1 1/5 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 packet cheesecake flavored pudding filling

1. Wash strawberries. Cut out the stem, leaving a hole for filling. Dry thoroughly.
2. Fold together whipped cream and pudding mix until blended.
3. Slowly add cream cheese and vanilla. Mix until blended and smooth.
4. Spoon filling into strawberries. (You can also use a pastry bag or a freezer bag with the corner snipped)


Recipe: Tomato Basil Soup

There's nothing like this rich, creamy soup on a chilly night!

3 cans diced tomatoes
1 quart tomato juice
3 tablespoons dried basil
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup butter*

1. Place tomatoes and juice in pot and simmer 30 minutes.
2. Puree mixture. I use a stick blender, but you can transfer to an actual blender if you trust yourself not to spill hot tomatoes everywhere. Add basil.
3. Return to medium heat. DO NOT BOIL.
4. Stir in heavy cream and butter. Keep stirring until butter is melted.

Add salt and pepper to taste, and garnish with shredded cheese if desired.

*You can use something like I Can't Believe it's Not Butter to cut down fat/calories, but if you want the rich taste, use butter!

Friday, September 2, 2016

(NSFW) Flash Fiction: The Prospect by DC Juris

John Papa Bear Callahan adjusted his eye patch. "So, you wanna join the Moon Riders?" He walked in a tight circle around Jeep, our newest potential Prospect.
Jeep nodded.
"I'm a certified mechanic, and I specialize in bikes. There's not a bike on this planet I can't take apart and put back together with one hand tied behind my back and my eyes closed."
Papa Bear chuckled. "We'll get to the hand tyin' later. It's just about the bikes for you, then?"
"Not just, no."
"Go on."
Jeep looked away and took a deep breath before he met Papa Bear's eyes again. "I'm gay. I've heard you guys are all gay too, but nobody gives you any shit. Not like they do the rest of us. I thought maybe...maybe this could be a place where I could fit in. A safe place."
I rolled my eyes at the thought of a motorcycle gang being considered a safe place, but I did see his point.
"You gotta bitch?"
Jeep blinked several times. "Bitch?"
"Boyfriend," Papa Bear clarified. "Husband. Live-in manwhore. Booty call on speed dial. Significant other."
"No." Jeep laughed and shook his head. "No. None of those."
Papa Bear stroked his chin and looked pensive for a moment, then nodded. "All right then. But you gotta qualify. Can't just join up. Gotta prove yerself."
"How do I do that?" Jeep asked.
"I'm gonna give you a task, and Dale here,"—he pointed at me—"is gonna determine if you've preformed yer task well enough. If Dale says yer in, yer in. There's a vote, o'course, but it's just a formality. Dale gets what Dale wants. Ain't that right, Dale?"
I nodded and bit down on my tongue to keep from laughing at his dramatics.
Jeep thrust his chin out and squared his shoulders. "What's my task?"
"It's twofold," Papa Bear muttered. He unzipped his jeans and pulled his cock out. "You suck my dick, and make Dale want you. Easy peasy."
Jeep's eyes went wide as he glanced down to Papa Bear's erect cock.
"Now." Papa Bear cast me a wink. "On yer knees, boy."
Jeep sank to his knees, and, in the middle of the garage, among dirt and grease, proceeded to suck Papa Bear off. He looked quite good at it—he stroked the shaft, cradled the balls, made furious noises of appreciation as he buried his face in Papa Bear's thick pelt again and again. I palmed my cock through my jeans as I watched. And then he did it.
Jeep moaned long and low and loud and looked up, but not at Papa Bear. At me, those big baby blues all lust blown. The heat of his gazed reached out to me, wrapped around me, squeezed me, shook me, raked along my cock before letting me go.
"He's in," I rasped. I turned and walked out of the garage as Papa Bear burst into hysterical laughter.
"Goin' soft in yer old age!" he yelled.
"Fuck you!" I yelled back.
"Any time, any place!" He let out several groans and shouted curses, and then the heavy footfall of Jeep's booted feet approached me from behind.
I turned to him, wanting nothing more than to cover that shit-eating grin of his with my mouth.
"Initiations not over yet, is it?" He licked his lips, looked me up and down, gaze lingering on my crotch before sliding back up to meet my own.

I chuckled as I unbuttoned my jeans. "Oh, it's just stared." I pointed to a nearby bench. "Assume the position."